Hi all:

I’ve been tossing a thought around in my head over the past couple of weeks and in one second I’ll get to it. But first, I’m going to crow in self-pride. Yesterday, while vacuuming the kitchen, I realized that the wand thing was stuck in the extended position. I tried, tried, tried to collapse it, but it wouldn’t budge. Totally and completely frozen. This meant a trip to the vacuum repair shop and I don’t like the guy there, but was willing to swallow my dislike for a functioning vacuum. I left it out on the counter for the guy I’m dating to take a look at it and hopefully fix it. I walked by it a dozen times and it niggled at me. Finally I was like, if he can fix it, I can fix it – it’s figuring out why it’s stuck and how to unstick it. I got out my bike chain lube, dropped a few drops around the cuff, worked it around and I FIXED IT. Yes, something this simple has made me happy. I fixed it myself; I didn’t patronize the shop I don’t like, I didn’t ask a guy for help – it was 100% me.

Now, to the subject that’s been bouncing around in my head: anger. I’ve twice expressed anger recently and it didn’t go over well. Typically I keep my anger to myself and I don’t get angry often. (Except at my dog Fannie who peed in my room yesterday for the umpteenth time; yes, I closed the door and yet she opened it.) With both friends and my meditation teacher, I’ve talked over the issue of being a woman and holding the emotion of anger, allowing ourselves to feel anger, and god forbid, express anger.

There are clearly acceptable forms of anger: anger at what is happening to our earth; anger at political issues; anger at animal cruelty or violence toward children, but I’m talking about the uncomfortable feelings of anger we have toward people we care about. And as Kyle, my meditation teacher made me aware, it’s not the person we’re angry at, but an action by them or something said that touches a deeper part of us. She says, “Anger deserves to be felt through and metabolized like every other emotion.” But I think in this culture, and as women especially, we have been conditioned to avoid anger and therefore, we lose out on learning how to appropriately metabolize it and use it beneficially. What is it about anger that makes us uncomfortable? In a conversation I had with my friend Ann, we talked about the pressure to be nice and good and in a very simplistic way, anger doesn’t fit within that paradigm. Neither does jealousy. And that’s a feeling we’ve all experienced at some point and probably, quite often. I think some of us have become disconnected from our feelings and therefore, our intuition. Both anger and jealousy, as well as more socially appropriate emotions will guide us if we let them.

Going forward, when I feel a surge of anger, I’ll work to understand more deeply what I’m upset about. I won’t react quickly, but I’ll explore what’s happening in my mind, my gut, and in my heart. Hopefully with practice (and meditation), I’ll find more ease in tapping into the undercurrents. That’s where the growth happens.

On another note, the volunteer coordinator at Acadia National Park reached out to me and asked if the LAC would be interested in doing service work on the trails in exchange for free camping and free park entrance. In turn, I reached out to Ember and Sarah who co-captained the volunteer weekend at Maine Huts & Trails this past fall and they are enthusiastic about leading the weekend. The weekend includes a half-day of work on the trails — probably cutting back brush, etc. — for two nights at the Acadia Backwoods campground, day passes, and parking passes for the whole time that you’re visiting the park. The possible dates are 7/19-21 or 7/26-28. If you’re interested or would like more info, please email Ember. It would be super fun to get a group up there and nice to contribute to the well-being of the park.

OK, that’s it. Get outside if you can, find pleasure and awe where you can, feel ALL the emotions, and take good care of yourself.